Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

Is this really necessary? Or could we just, I don't know, eat less bacon?

Archived 2006/0331

This made me laugh out loud. I guess if I haven't yet, I someday need to tell the story on this blog about shitting on my chest. (Not literally MY chest... you have to hear the story.)

Oh my God, and here's another pee story. These are cracking me up. What's wrong with people?

Here are photos of our new apartment where we'll be moving probably within the next week. Our landlord is our current landlord, this is another building she owns, which is good because she's so cool. Definitely the best landlord I've had or even heard of.

So we'll be moving shortly and Heather and Cleo will be joining us in May. Don't worry, Billy and Cleo are already friends.

In case you didn't know, someone decided it was a good idea to make a naked sculpture of their idealized notion of Britney Spears giving birth. Before clicking on any links please know that it is creepy and weird. OK, here you go.

How this is a pro-life statement I'll never know. So unfortunate.

But now she gets free meat, dummy!

Raising the driving age for teenagers won't decrease accidents, it will just raise the age at which they all have accidents.

Thank you for your attention to this incredibly obvious matter.

Sincerely,
Jenn

"Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd."

• Voltaire

1. The "walking slit" in the back is permanently stretched open as far as it can go and I can see 1/3 of your ass at all times.

2. You are wearing a quilted down coat and not only are the seams splitting, it is so tight on you that it looks like a puffy leotard.

And while we're on the subject of winter coats, please, for the love of God, people, CUT THE THREAD holding the bottom of the walking slit closed. It's only there to keep the coat hanging right in the store. You're not supposed to leave it there. The slit is there for a reason! I think about 85% of the people I see with this feature on their coat haven't cut the thread. It's so upsetting to me that I want to run up to them and shake them.

SIGH.

You are CRAZY!

Sincerely, Jenn

Random gem of a quote from a stupid movie we saw the other night ("Just Friends")... a guy is trying to convince an old high school friend who's moved to L.A. and become a big success in the music industry that he's cooler than another former classmate of theirs who still lives in New Jersey. He tells him he's very L.A., he dates models, etc., then he says:

"He's Jersey! He skiis in his jeans!"

So funny for some reason.

We saw this on Friday, it was really good. Read the review here. Power to the People, bitches.

Oh God help us.

Apparently men have "confidence in a situation of risk" more than women do. And "manly" men have it more than non "manly" men. He's talking about a real "take-charge" guy. Oh, good, you mean the kind that will order my dinner for me in a restaurant? The kind that will make important decisions without asking me, because, maybe, I have less "confidence in a situation of risk"?

WHAT-EV-ER.

Oh my God, the more I listen to this guy the more ridiculous he sounds. He just said women don't step out and defend others, only men do. ONLY MEN DO. Then he said oh, and it doesn't count if you're talking about women defending their family or children, because he's talking about other people that aren't your family. Huh? First of all, it's still not true, even if you exclude your own family, but why doesn't protecting your family count for anything?

This guy just sounds insane.

Check out Brian in a couple of shots to show off the classy shirt he had made for St. Patrick's Day. Nice.

I don't really know much music by the Pogues but they seem like quite a bunch of weirdos. Anyway, I guess they're in NYC.

The only song I really know well that they sing is New York Fairytale. It's a really funny song. My favorite line is:

"I could have been someone (him)
well, so could anyone (her)..."

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Check out Cordner in his St. Patrick's Day finery. Happy St. Patrick's Day from Dallas!

Apparently you can't be Irish and gay. I'm glad this assmunch cleared that up for us.

I like how he equates allowing a gay Irish group into the St. Patrick's Day parade with allowing the KKK into an African American parade. The clear difference, stupid, is that the Irish gay group is IRISH and they want to participate in the event not protest it.

What a complete jerk.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, unless you're gay, then screw you I guess.

Nice. Remember how the Irish used to be a persecuted group? I think this guy needs a refresher course.

"At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies."

• P. G. Wodehouse

It is another post.

I thought it might be.

Here is my other another post.

I have the worst cramps this morning. You know what? No thanks. I've got to get that on that pill where this joy only happens 3 times a year or something. I'm all about that. I need to make a doctor's appointment.

What's that stupid joke about how if men had this problem they'd get a week off every month, etc.? I just want like a shot of morphine directly in my gut please. That would do just fine.

And as further evidence that she's insane, did anyone catch Sharon Stone's little press conference in Israel? Apparently she was the perfect one to send to help the whole peace process, what with her UTTER INSANITY and everything. Really, you need to see this. It was on The Daily Show so maybe the clip is online. If so I'll add a link.

She also used it to talk about whether or not she would be naked in Basic Instinct 2. Good news! The answer is yes! Hooray, everybody buy your tickets ahead of time!

You can find the video here - it's called "Access Holyland".

I guess it's just like the real world after all.

The chief judge in Saddam Hussein's trial basically told him to shove it. Nice.

"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."

• George Burns

Apparently, South Park crossed some line it hasn't before when it put together an episode making fun of Scientology this past fall.

I'm not really sure what that line would be, unless it was specifically the "making fun of Scientology" line, since they've certainly made fun of every other religion (also see here, here, and about 40 other episodes), every political party, every race, most countries in the world, men and women, hippies and scientists, teachers and kids and news reporters and whoever else they choose to.

So, this is just further proof that Scientologists are INSANE and, bonus, this is another reminder that by association, about 1/2 of Hollywood is INSANE. And don't forget, high school dropouts.

Anyway, I think this part of the article is pretty funny:

"South Park" co-creator Matt Stone responded sharply in an interview with The Associated Press Monday, saying, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith of Scientology... He has no problem - and he's cashed plenty of checks - with our show making fun of Christians."

Seems like a pretty obvious connection there, Isaac. There may be a lot of dummies out there, but most of us aren't quite so dumb as to miss this one.

OK, I know this was referenced in a recent link of mine to Go Fug Yourself, but can you believe that Basic Instinct 2, the movie, really exists? In theatres March 31.

The other day Rob and I were talking about how silly it is that everyone acts like Natalie Portman is some kind of super-genius because she went to Harvard. But then I had to point out how most people in hollywood are high school dropouts and completely insane, so really, she is a super genius. (Also, the digital short when she hosted SNL last week was really funny.)

Sharon Stone is insane.

Everything in the world is black and white actually. OK, it's not, but it is regarding this show. No good. Just say no, kids.

We accidentally watched about 8 seconds of it last night and it's super creepy and bizarre. Also, to me, none of the makeup is convincing. You might not necessarily figure out that these people "switched races" but you'd know something funky was going on.

I dedicate this quote to Rob, because for some reason he thinks Rodney Dangerfield is funny:

"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out." - Rodney Dangerfield

This made me laugh out loud. Oh, Sharon Stone, you scary scary woman.

It is beyond my comprehension how it is even possible for people to be this absolutely idiotic. Thanks to my friend Elaine C. for pointing this out to me. Despite knowing that Tom Monaghan was insane when I was in college, I kind of forgot or didn't realize just how insane.

Now I have to add Dominos to the list of places I can't buy from. OK, so it's not that long a list right now because so far I only put WalMart on it. I know that if I look hard enough I'll just have to put pretty much every place on it.

But this insane Catholic town in Florida is reason enough. No more Dominos for me.

This is my favorite part:

Lawsuits appear inevitable once the new town begins functioning in 2007, but Monaghan believes he has more than the law on his side. “I think it’s God’s will to do this,” he said.

Yeah, maybe it is God's will. Because he thinks you're an asshole too and he wants everyone to know it.

Since mostly I just whine and scream and shout, I thought I'd put up a nice post for once.

The subject of this post is one Robby Reed. He has had a rough few years so I just want to make sure he knows that he is smart, and funny, and great at what he does, and helpful, and a good guy and that I love him!

Where would Heather and I be without you?

Thanks Rob Reed!

I think it's selfish to have a large brood of children but you don't see me advocating for enforcing limits on how many children a woman is allowed to have, because I value freedom more highly than my personal beliefs.

Do you stupid "pro-life" idiots not see why that's what you should be doing? Regardless of what you think about when life begins, or how important a random stranger's unborn baby is (yes, they will surely cure cancer if only they can be born!), do you not see how incredibly invasive it is for you to make it legally impossible for that woman to make a choice about whether to carry that pregnancy to term? Can you not see how horrible it is that now in South Dakota if someone gets raped and takes more than a day or two to report it, in which case it may be medically possible to determine that she's pregnant, it is too late for her to terminate that pregnancy? Or that if a girl is the victim of incest, that it would be torture for her to carry her father's or brother's or cousin's or uncle's baby to term?

(Click below for more screaming and lots of swearing.)

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