Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

Oh my God, I have never been more happy not to be a teenage girl in my life. Who needs this mess? Dude, it's only January, do girls seriously need to be worrying about prom right now???

I'm so sad! Really I'm just a little girl who loves horses.

I got to visit with Clementine and Hashbrown and baby Hester Willa yesterday! Don't worry, Clementine's picture-taking gene was in full effect and she'll be sending me photos soon.

She's the sweetest little pumpkin! It's been a long time since I held a newborn. So tiny! I held her sleeping for a while and she made some funny faces for me and held my finger.

Check out what people think passes for acceptable habits for putting out their trash for pickup in my neighborhood.

As Rob said after I took these photos, I hate to be on the side of the asshole billionaires living in the mansions on Beacon Hill, but in some respects they're right. It's assholes in apartments that don't give a shit that do crap like this.

Nice. Way to make us all look like dickheads.

I don't get all the whining and complaining going on about the change to the travel regulations for Americans going to and from Mexico and Canada.

It always seemed to me like it was a nice exception that you didn't need a passport for this travel, not like it was some inherent right just because it's a land border. It makes perfect sense to me that if you have to have a passport to go to France you should have a passport to travel to Canada. Why not?

I don't understand the big disruption or all the complaining. I really don't.

It's like if you were getting free cable your whole life, then the cable company finally noticed and started charging you, but it was just the same as they'd charge anyone else, they didn't charge you any penalties or anything. I mean, what do you expect?

I guess people just love to complain, even for no reason.

Here are some recent search terms that led people to my blog:

• creepy mustache - 1 person
• suit fashion 2006 pleats or no pleats - 1 person
• thongs hanging out - 1 person
• awful landlords somerville - 1 person
• "rob reed" tufts - 1 person
• rob reed jerk - 1 person
• beacon hill trash collection - 1 person
• heather martin vet - 1 person
• slumlord boston - 1 person
• flab hang over pants - 1 person
• windchime etiquette - 1 person

and the ever popular:

• smoki bacon - 12 people
• "Smoki Bacon" - 9 people

This whole story line about China cracks me up. Apparently everybody runs around spitting constantly in public and that's pretty gross.

This is my favorite part of the article:

Organizers of the 2008 Beijing Olympics, worried about the reaction of visitors, have repeatedly said the capital needs to teach its people to stand in line, stop spitting and littering and generally be better mannered.

I guess it's going to be a rude rude world when our Chinese overlords take over.

Which reminds me of a really funny moment in a recent Simpsons episode. Bart somehow joined the army or promised to join the army when he turned 18 or something to that effect. And Marge is fretting about it and Homer says something like, "Don't worry, by the time he's 18 we'll rule the world... We're China, right?"

My problem is that I'm incredibly right about everything.

For the record, in case you were wondering, this is his official stance.

I was about to get super furious about this bill, but then someone took the time to actually read it and note the following - that it is intended to stop fake grass-roots campaigns hired by PR firms.

See:

(19) GRASSROOTS LOBBYING FIRM- The term 'grassroots lobbying firm' means a person or entity that

(A) is retained by 1 or more clients to engage in paid efforts to stimulate grassroots lobbying on behalf of such clients; and

(B) receives income of, or spends or agrees to spend, an aggregate of $25,000 or more for such efforts in any quarterly period.

So maybe I have nothing to be furious about. As long as this can't be used to force anybody with a political opinion who has more than 500 readers to register with the government, which is clearly a huge violation of the bill of rights - if it's just being created to wipe out faker shills for PR firms, then I'm OK with it.

Maybe someone more knowledgeable than me can tell me what it's doing for sure.

No, neither of my brothers had a baby.

Clementine and Hashbrown officially became parents today when surrender forms were signed!

Of course they've been spending every second they could at the hospital that they could since Hester Willa (not her real name) was born last Friday but now that it's official they are out of limbo.

Hooray! I can't wait to Lennie her!

Dude, in Singapore they have fish nibble dead skin off your feet! I'll take it, where do I sign up? My feet are SUPER GROSS which is a good reason why I need to cover them up with pretty pretty shoes like these, which I just got from Christmas money from my parents.

Thanks guys!

Oops, everybody. We don't seem to be on a good path lately. At least according to a lot of really smart scientists.

Rage is the only quality which has kept me, or anybody I have ever studied, writing columns for newspapers.
- Jimmy Breslin

Heather's latest report. She's been doing Heather Martin Reporting News for years but only now is the whole world getting to see her excellent journalistic skills! Keep checking back for more installments.

The baby who will hopefully be Hester Willa is here! Baby and mom doing well, Clementine and Hashbrown are at the hospital now!

Don't you hate when it's 1986 where you are?

You know, when it's 2006 everywhere else.

Seriously though, I love this post because:

1. It totally copies my "Dear... love, Jenn" format that I like to use not only in emails and posts, but unfortunately for those who know me, also in normal conversation.
2. It's both nice and mean.

Hey Vince Vaughn, what happened, dude?

Remember when you looked more like a semi-conscious human being?

Apparently, I caused quite a chain of diastrous events for my friend Joz when I sent him an email today. This is too funny not to share:

My day-to-day mug is of a weird Asian Boy Band.

The Story
Anyways--I poured a full cup of tea in the ABB Cup and walked back to my desk right before your email...it popped up...I quickly went to open it and dumped the entire cup of tea all over the keyboard, my phone and my computer screen.

Then I grabbed at the cup and inadvertently pushed it the other direction towards the floor where it promptly shattered.

I then rolled my chair from the tea puddle and in so doing, lost my "chair balance" and fell on my ass...all in the matter of like 15 seconds.

About 40 paper towel sheets later and some keyboard drying activities my life is finally normal again.

Sorry Jozwik, but this is pretty funny, you have to admit. I'm glad you didn't seriously hurt yourself.

I don't think this was a particularly good idea.

My favorite part of this article is this:

Superintendent Patricia Grenier said that the district could not afford to mail all the letters.

They can't? Really? Because the article says that 140 kids got letters, which = $55 on postage. If the school district really can't spend that, then I can't even imagine what else they aren't spending money on. Do they also have 30 year old textbooks?

Doesn't this sound like an episode of The Simpsons or something?

My dear Julls from my staff at ASP just sent me a little note saying she was listening to Southland in the Springtime and I just realized that I don't think I have it, which means I need to use my recently earned free iTunes songs from Avis and buy it tonight and put it on my iPod immediately!

Here's the best part:

Though I miss her when I'm gone it won't ever be too long
Till I'm home again to spend my favorite season
When God made me born a yankee he was teasin'
There's no place like home and none more pleasin'
Than the Southland in the springtime

This is really interesting.

So we got some Macy's gift cards at work through a vendor promotion and I'm so happy because I finally got my perfume that I've been wanting for forever and never had an excuse or reason to buy (other than I wanted it). So hooray for free goodies during the holidays! I love this scent, it makes me so happy.