Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

Hi, I live in a city. In a city lots of people live very close to each other. In many areas there are not large open areas. Therefore, it might be a good idea not to do things like shoot off illegal fireworks in a tiny park in said city.

In related news, someone at work just told me about an idiot in her neighborhood (also in the city) blowing a giant hole in the street with a firework. Genius.

But here's my story:

I took my dog out sometime between 9 and 10 I think, I'm not sure precisely when it was but it was before the fireworks at the Esplanade.

We were just across the street from the Phillips Street Park when I saw a big group of kids come running out of there fast. I was pretty sure I knew what was about to follow and lo and behold, fireworks! Tons of them, very loud, very big - not little firecrackers, the big kind. You know, the kind that will blow your hands off. Bad enough already, I'm thinking nice adults in these kids lives and where are the cops? but worst of all, poor Billy is just about having a literal heart attack.

Here's a tip: dogs don't like very loud scary noises that sound like, oh, I don't know, bombs, guns, grenades... basically the end of the world.

I didn't have a very sane reaction. I was trying to comfort Billy but there was no comforting him. He was basically panicking, trying to drag me in every which direction, none of which of course made the sound any scarier since we can't run at 50 mph. I felt so so bad for him and I was so angry at the stupid kids.

I steered Billy toward home which was also the same direction the kids were running in, so I was yelling things like, "Thanks a lot you fucking shitty kids!" and "Fucking dickheads!" and "Where the fuck are the cops?" and God knows what else. Every sane person around was looking at me like I was a nutcase except for another woman who was also out with her dogs who were also scared to death. She had a cell phone and was calling the cops. I think she saw where the kids went so I hope some of them got caught.

Besides being so so angry I just kept thinking what is wrong with these kids? Even if I had access to fireworks as a kid I never would have set them off for the following reasons:

1. Fear of blowing myself up
2. Fear of blowing someone else up
3. Fear of blowing someone's house or car up
4. Fear of my parents fucking killing me
5. I'm not a goddamn asshole

Hey, I'm not an idiot, I know people get illegal fireworks. When I was a kid my neighbors would always set them off in their yard. But guess what? My neighbors had 2 acres of land and behind them was a giant cornfield. Also the ADULTS set them off, not the kids. Also, the adults set them off about 300 yards from any other living thing.

Obviously there's some awesome parenting going on in this situation last night.

I got back inside with poor Billy and Heather was there saying, "Cleo is never going to go outside again." Apparently she had just been stepping out the door with Cleo when the fireworks went off and needless to say, Cleo bolted back inside. She was shaking on the floor in the apartment.

Happy Fourth! Thanks for being assholes, kids! My dog thanks you! I wish I had been crazy enough to grab one of you. Maybe you would have liked a dog bite as thanks.