Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

First of all, Sarcastic Mom is my favorite new blog.

Secondly, on Plurk she describes herself thusly:

I'm a complete and total dork and spazzwad. That about sums it up.

Oh my God, were we separated at birth?

Oh my goodness. That's all. Mouse over photo for comment.

Rob: Jenn, you've got no brains where the brains should be!

Lately you are all pissing me off. Yesterday many cars blew through a pedestrian crosswalk on E. Berkeley Street while I stood in the middle of it waiting to dodge them like fucking Frogger. Hey, assholes, it's a state law that you have to stop at crosswalks. I feel like carrying a camera with me and taking shots of people's license plates and calling the cops on every single one of you.

Oh, I'll start doing it, bitches. Just try me.

(For the record, I'm talking about a crosswalk with no light at it so yes, the rule with those is the pedestrian can cross and cars have to stop - there's no walk signal.)

Then, at the corner of Columbus and Dartmouth just as I got a walk signal, a car illegally turned right on red (there is a clearly posted "no right turns on red" sign at that intersection). If the guy next to me and I hadn't been paying attention we would have stepped out and gotten hit by said car. The guy next to me looked at me, gestured at the "no right turns" sign and said, "What does that sign say?" in an annoyed/bemused manner. I said, "I know, people are such assholes at this intersection. It makes me crazy."

So, I have this to say to all of you: FUCK OFF. Seriously.

First of all, I suck ass at posting this month. Sorry about that. I don't know why. A lazy summer thing maybe? I've felt very busy lately all the time. I guess I was just slacking off.

Anyway, this is one of those posts where I sound like a crazy old lady who's about to tell you about how when I was a kid I walked to school in the snow barefoot uphill both ways etc.... but really? You should listen, because people are getting out of control about protecting the hell out of everyone and it's making me fucking nuts.

OK, so a somewhat recent trend in this world are these backpacks with wheels on them and a handle so you can drag your books around behind you like you're a flight attendant, when in actuality you are an 8 year old child.

Example:

I fucking hate these. Here's why: the number one reason I have heard people use for why these need to exist and why every child in America should use one is because they will "have back problems" if they carry an actual BACKpack on their ACTUAL BACKS.

Are they silly looking? Yes. Are they impractical when you're, say, in a hurry to get to class or when you're trying to drag it through the streets to walk to school in the morning? (Supposing you actually walk to school which apparently no child in a 20 mile radius of here does.) Sure, of course. Is it a fun toy if you want to pretend you're part of the flight crew striding through the airport on your way to the terminal? I guess. But none of this is important to me. What is important is that I really need people to understand that for Pete's sake you do not need to protect your child from everything in the universe.

Hey, people of my generation - you know, the generation that grew up eating sugar cereal and watching cartoons that didn't teach you anything but also maybe you didn't have cable and you tended to play outside a lot? A lot of you are probably having kids right about now. Can we please discuss how you went your entire childhood without a wheelie backpack and how you carried books and other things in some sort of pack or bag, probably ON YOUR BACK and how it WAS NOT HARMFUL TO YOU IN ANY WAY? I would like you all to admit it now. And then I would like you to take every rolly-behind-you backpack in your household and burn it. The world will be a better place, I swear.

Also, I would like to ask people in general to stop being such babies about everything. We don't need to be terrified of every germ or speck of dirt. We don't need to have the government banning every single type of food or beverage that may prove the slightest bit harmful. Let's remember that there was a time with no anti-bacterial soap, and everyone had something called an "immune system" (I think we might still have them but I'm not sure) and there weren't massive epidemics of infections and deaths.

On this note I would like to relate a conversation robreed and I had recently. It's why I'm making this post. I saw someone dragging one around the courtyard at the BPL and I vehemently expressed my feelings about it. Then I started going on similarly to how I do above and he stopped me and said something to the effect of, "But what about you and your chapstick and your hand lotion and your hair stuff..." etc.

I said, "Well here's the difference. I recognize that while I would PREFER to have chapstick, hand lotion and various hair products, they are not things that I actually NEED and I will not be harmed if I don't have them. Whereas people actually think their children will be hunchbacks if they have to carry books on their backs."

There you go folks, I admit I don't need hand lotion, chapstick, or smoothing creme for my crazy crazy hair (although especially for this last one, you will all appreciate it if I continue to use them). Now please admit your children will not be irreparably harmed if they carry books on their backs between classes. Please.

My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared.

PJ Plauger

Here is the ultimate proof.

The story goes that my dad played the accordion as a kid. He even won some competition. When I was little I supposedly walked into a room and startled him and he dropped and broke it. And that was the end of the accordion. At least this is the story I remember.

On a recent trip to Lithuania he was convinced to play again but apparently all he could/would do is use the buttons and open and close it, not play the keyboard, so you can see he is getting some help there.

He has now been instructed to learn to play again while he's in Italy and that I expect a concert upon my parents' permanent return to the US in a few years.

Go Keyrock!

I have caused Dan to Plurk.

My work here is done people.

For today anyway.

Rob took a bunch of photos of Billy on this walk too, though they predate the super crazy ones where he's attacking the camera here.

Anyway, here's the walk mapped out with photos (the little cameras each mark a photo and where it was taken - if you click on it you'll be able to see the photo and even get a link to a gallery of all the photos at a larger size).

By the way, robreed wrote the script that lets us do this cool mapping of photos. Good job, robreed! (Also to get a less crowded map, click on "View Larger Map" below.)

View Larger Map

Jenn: Miscellaneous swearing.

Rob: "What kind of language is that for a lady?"

Jenn: "I don't know, find a lady and ask her."

More to follow in a gallery. Also have pictures from another walk to post, complete with map, etc.

First, Billy looking like an insane monster:

And, Billy looking exhausted after too much chasing of the camera!

Yesterday I was helping robreed write a post and I suggested using the phrase "swath of grass" but he said no.

So I told him I was going to post it on my blog since he wouldn't say it on his.

Swath Of Grass

Thank you.

No dice, Rob Reed, you will not beat my score on Cherub Rock at Medium! Ha! Mwah ha ha ha ha!

ETA: He fucking did! Bastard! Now I have to go back to seriously practicing and beat him at everything again, as it was in the olden days (OK, right when we first started playing... like, the first day).