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Here is an awesome email I just received:

Subject: Schnake815 thought you might like this item on eBay

Hello friends
Let us introduce ourselves as a leading trading firm in beijing china.If you are a wholesaler or retailer of electronic products, so here is a right place for you at www.eleoffer.com our company is specialized in handling the import and export of a wide range of electronic products with many versions.such as Laptops,Notebooks,TVs,HDTVs,Mobile Phone,GPS,Digital Cameras,Game console,and so on,our company has been in this line of business for many years and enjoys high international prestige.our products are of very good quality and our firm is always regarded by our customers as the most reliable one,now we are pleased to inform you that we have just marketed the new products.and if you order more,you can get 5% to 20% discounts and we offer dropshipping to our resellers.Wish you enjoy exploring experience on our website.we want to establish partner relationship with each of our clients.if you have any questions ,please don't hesitate to tell us .Look forward to doing happy business with you in the future.
Address: Beijing , China

Then there is a link to MY OWN ITEM ON EBAY. Awesome.

From: eBay member
To: Me
Re: XBox 360

how much more life does this xbox have left?

how many hours did you use it from purchase date?

Thanks

From: Me
To: eBay member
Re: XBox 360

Actually, I haven't used it very frequently at all. Dozens of hours probably, certainly not hundreds.

From: eBay member
To: Me
Re: XBox 360

really, so when are you going to relist it for a lower price?

Oh my God. Never, that's when. I'd rather keep it than sell it for less. Especially to a douchebag like yourself.

Seriously, all of a sudden everyone on eBay is fucking crazy. Hey, my bike sold today so I can't be totally pissed, but I keep getting these asanine questions from people offering me hundreds of dollars less than my asking price, or being a douche and waiting till an auction ends then asking me when I'm relisting it for less (like the genius above), etc.

I'm not selling it to you, people! Fuck off! Seriously! Go search the classifieds in your stupid local newspaper if you want crazy deals. The stuff I'm selling is worth money, it's not half broken china I found in the attic.

Go fuck yourselves.

(p.s. I'm feeling very hateful today, sorry.)

I notice you didn't get any bids on your Macbook.

Would you take $800?

Considering that it is a couple of weeks old and still selling new for $999 (that's after a recent price downgrade by Apple) and includes a couple of hundred dollars worth of upgrades, um, NO.

Fuck off! Everybody forgot how to eBay! It's not a fucking flea market, folks!

are you saying that you are selling an used bike for $25 less than a new one on-line?

Well, actually, I'm selling "a used bike" not "an used bike". Regardless (or maybe for you irregardless), if you actually read my entire post you would also see that I'm including approx $140 of upgrades with my bike, which are not in the online model, smarty.

So what I'm really saying is, you're not allowed to buy my bike.

Jesus.

Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise without your prior consent. I got your contact from a professional database found on the internet.

I have been contacted by an erstwhile freedom fighter who now wishes to channel his money into productive ventures instead of war; he is looking at real estate property and commodities as a thought but opened to any professional advice on investment you might propose.

I will relay other pertinent information as soon as I hear from you.

Regards,

Tunde Samson

Wow, Tunde, it is a shame that all my money is tied up with that Nigerian prince guy, otherwise I totally would be into pursuing real estate investments with you.

Oh my fucking God. That's all.

Seriously.

I want someone who's not out of his/her mind (therefore, preferably someone I know in real life) to explain to me what the possible benefit is of a colonic. I think it sounds like a stupid idea that some asshole made up and got "healthy" people to buy into.

No thanks. I'd rather drown in a vat of peanut butter. And if you know how I feel about peanut butter, you'll be impressed.

Are the crazies out in full force today? I'm not sure yet but so far I submit the following evidence:

1. A too-long conversation I couldn't escape from (because I was trapped in an elevator) with a courier at my building about how I have great skin so I shouldn't start smoking (I don't think skin is the primary health concern related to smoking last time I checked) and about how he wished we would call earlier in the morning for our packages going to one particular office because he goes there every morning by 9. Um, yeah, but what if we don't have a package going there till 10? Then we probably can't call you and have you pick it up at 8, right? Crazy.
2. A random delivery guy in a cheese truck honked and waved at me. When I made a face and gesture like, Why are you honking at me, I don't know you? he did it again. Great, I have a cheese truck boyfriend.
3. Nobody in CVS knew how to stand in line. I mean no one. It was like I had just been transported to Germany or something. (Germans don't know how to stand in line. Seriously.)