Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

Seriously. This is apparently from the "fashion show" (the quotes are necessary) of some person/designer/design house called Maison Martin Margiela.

I really am at a loss for words. It's creepy and weird and somehow gross and not at all something that qualifies as "fashion" or "clothing".

Because I saw no fewer than 3 quite prominent ASS CRACKS on various ladies in our fine city in the course of one 24-hour period, and I wasn't even looking for them. I'm sure if I had been I would have seen many more.

Along with all my cautions about skinny jeans and properly colored underwear under white things, I must now add the following obvious cautions for women regarding their private areas:

1. First of all, your ass crack is a private area. Random strangers in public should not be accosted with it.
2. If you honestly do not have a single friend/significant other or any sort of companion who can tell you when your ass crack is hanging out, play it safe and wear high-waisted everything. With a belt. And possibly suspenders.
3. Please, ladies, if you are going to wear low-waisted pants (hey, I get it, I find them very comfy and flattering in general) I beg you to just be CONSCIOUS of what's going on in the lower back area. I am quite certain that I have never once shown the general public my ass crack. Try wearing a shirt that goes below your rib cage. Or, you know, noticing the breeze ON YOUR BARE ASS.

For God's sake, seriously.

People, how many ways can I tell you these are ugly? Mouse over images for comments.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I have never seen one person in real life or on TV or in any photograph ever taken by anyone who looks good in these. I PROMISE. Please, stop the madness.

I actually feel that these sandals should literally be illegal.

Hi, BR. You are one of my favorite stores. I love a lot of your things, even though I often find them to be overpriced. I guess I am just getting used to that, after all, I do live in Boston.

But the thing is, you sent me an email today, featuring these perfectly hideous shoes. You were all about the shoes. They are "the" shoes for the season, etc. But you missed the fact that what was actually nice in your email was the dress the model was wearing.

So, for future reference, let me review.

These, this, and these = ugly.

This , this and this = pretty.

Thank you for your time.

Dear Gap:

I love these jeans and these pants. I love them both very very much. Thank you so much for making them. I wish I could wear nothing but these pants and jeans for the rest of my life.

Your friend,

Jenn

p.s. I would also like to thank my other friend American Express for gifting me with Rewards Points which allowed these wonderful, life-changing pants and jeans to be purchased mostly for free!

The time of year for me to have a "it will be spring soon and wouldn't it be lovely to have a whole new wardrobe?" meltdown.

Maybe I need a new shirtdress. Or perhaps a pretty green patterned wrap dress. No? Well how about this nice floral print dress?

And in case you were wanted to know, here is a fairly nice selection of skirts as well.

Thanks for your time. Have a good day.

(By the way, it's about 5 degrees fahrenheit out today, so I don't know how I can even consider ever wearing a dress again in my life as at the moment I'm wishing I had my crazy ankle-length sweater coat [with hood] from days of yore.)

People of the world, I can not tell you often or loudly enough skinny jeans are hideous. ON EVERYONE. (Please make note of how unflattering they look on this model who essentially has no hips or body fat. Let's discuss how bad they will look, therefore, on the rest of the population. Not because there's anything wrong with hips or fat! Because this is a universally unflattering fashion.)

You should know from the description, "Lux Menswear Onsie" that there can't possibly be anything good about this. I mean honestly, this is so ugly it astounds me.

These are a flashback to middle school. These never should have existed in the first place and I don't know what kind of mental disorder is making people resurrect them, but apparently it's contagious and it also compels you to abandon all common sense. There are so many ugly things going on here I can't even address them all in the space available to me here.

And last and perhaps most ugly of all, black satin stirrup pants. I'm not sure if these or the acid washed jeans are more ugly but the fact that they both exist in the same dimension of reality is pretty upsetting to me. I mean, I like looking at aesthetically pleasing things, don't you? Who are the people who like to torture themselves by not only, I must assume, surrounding themselves with ugliness, but also wearing it?

I would love some 30% off suiting options.

Unfortunately, 30% off $300+ doesn't help me much at the moment. SIGH.

But I do love your suiting dress which is, by the way, not part of the sale.

Very nice. As all my faithful readers should know by now, I love pretty dresses. Apparently it is my new thing.

Not sure what it is exactly about this sweater, but I must have it. Unfortunately, it costs $180. Which means I cannot have it. So, what are the chances I can copy the design and make one myself? Pretty slim my friends. But I may have to try anyway.

Guess what? I don't even care if anyone else likes this sweater. I love it for some reason I can't explain. Maybe it's a combination of the color (which I always inexplicably love in sweaters) and the coziness of it. It seems like I should be sitting in front of a fire in it and sipping hot cocoa or something.