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I present the 1998 Tazewell, Virginia ASP Staff "Quote Book":

Did you know that Peter Gabriel had a siamese twin for six years? - Jozwik

Doesn't matter to me. I'm easy. - Emily

I don't eat ham unless it's necessary. Like when I'm at my grandma's. - Emily

Well, I had my pants on. - Emily

I loved childhood. That's why I'm still in it. - Jozwik

I don't help anybody. That's my motto. - Jozwik

You better hop your happy hiney in there and help Emily! - Julie

My train isn't bound for glory, it's bound for ice cream. - Emily

You are such a weirdo. - Emily

The way I retaliate is GAS! - Jozwik

Tooting is not allowed! - Julie

If you have a visitor in the school, they have to leave... no matter how nice they are. - Jerry Cromer (The principal of the school where we were staying. This was over the PA system.)

I don't like to look at it while I eat. - Julie

I've got the patience of a small owl. - Jozwik

This crust is fabulous! / If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one... - Julie, Jenn

You're kind of a problem. - Emily

There's just something about chore charts and Wednesdays that makes me mad. - Jozwik

Why don't YOU sell your body so we can go to Sam's Club? - Julie

Let me tell you something about this picture frame in water - it's not flattering. - Jenn

Craig Beavers, come to the office - FAST! - Announcement over the PA

Try it. It hurts. - Jozwik

Time out... my watch smells. - Jozwik

How about a stand-up routine with Eskimos... small Eskimo boys running around me in circles... - Jozwik

Was I better on the cot last night? - Jozwik

Jen who? - Jozwik

I like trees to die young. That's how I feel about people too. - Jozwik

Wait, you talked to MY boyfriend and I wasn't there? - Julie

I just sing what people think. - Jozwik

I don't WRITE your mom, I LAY your mom. - Jozwik

Well, you're the Center Director - go buy it. - Jozwik

Yeah, I saw a dead toddler on the side of the road... - Jenn

Neo-Nazis need home repair too. - Ermer

Those hands aren't crazy! I know your games! - Ermer

Time's on rollerskates, man! - Jozwik

They haven't always had modern medicine. - Emily

I'm all about getting my hands on any kind of raw meat you can imagine. - Julie

Oh no, y'all... my good jeans are washing. That means i have to wear my crap jeans. That makes me sad! - Julie

Raccoons don't talk. - Julie

Don't worry nature, I still care about you. - Jozwik

I'm just not going to talk anymore because it's all so stupid. - Emily

How much would it cost to rent a hovercraft? - Jozwik

There were a couple of newbies who wanted to hop-a-doodle. - Jozwik

I try to channel for at least half the day. / Great, when can we change the channel? - Jozwik, Jardine

I'm a prick 24 hours a day, my friend. - Jozwik

Actually, we experimented. I like to show rather than tell. - Julie

I like my meat wet. - Julie

Why are we all against the the ants? Why don't we feed the ants? - Jozwik

That was the best thing I've ever put in my body...I mean, my mouth. Except for last night. - Julie

Looks like you're about to share more than just your baloney sandwich! - Trojan Man

Right there, baby. You can still smell the chlorine. - Julie

Please don't touch me. Don't touch me all day long. - Julie

Pigtails and crazy - that's me! - Emily

Here - take a picture with this hooker. - Jason P. Kennedy

Wait, my boobs don't hurt. I'm not PMS-ing yet. - Jenn

Well, you shouldn't be messing with your nipples. - Jenn

Dude, I promise you I know the female anatomy backwards and forwards. - Jozwik

You just called me ass-face you jerk-off! You're a dick. - Julie

Please note that Jozwik is heavily featured. He was definitely the most quotable. Also please notice our steady corruption of Julie over the course of the summer. I especially enjoy that the final quote is hers. It was of course, directed at Jozwik.

Just this picture scares me half to death:

Anyway, but if you're interested, here is an article on MSN about "record breaking" roller coasters. I can appreciate some stuff about them and why they are in theory cool, but I can't ride anything that has a hill on it. That's most coasters of course. (Not the Rock'n'Roller coaster at MGM studios, which I LOVE.)

Enjoy all you crazy fear-freaks!

Testing out a new online polling service.

Sorry but this is completely hilarious to me right now. Facebook in pirate. Observe:

Wow. I don't even know what else to say really.

Check out the magic fart stoppers this company is selling.

Apparently used on the set of Chuck.

I stole this from Sarah because I felt guilty about my recent mean posts and thought I owed it to my devoted readers to give you a little fun. So, here are the rules for this game:

1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search function

OK, have fun!

1. "I won't tell your mother about this. Right now, I'm going to bed. And take that stuff off your face before your mother sees you." Dirty Dancing - Clementine, Melissa
2. "How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?" The Usual Suspects - Sheilagh
3. "You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet? "
4. "You're not a god. You can take my word for it; this is twelve years of Catholic school talking." Groundhog Day - Kathy and Dilman
5. "Don't you ever say never to me."
6. "What's your rush, dollbody? What do you say we slip in the back seat, and make a man out of me?"
7. "You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?" It's a Wonderful Life - Melissa
8. "Oh, I'm not trying to land him, I'm just using him for sex." Pretty Woman - Clementine
9. "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
10. "Don't point that gun at him, he's an unpaid intern."
11. "This was the moment I'd been dreading for the past six months. Well, actually for the past 22 years." Father of the Bride - Clementine
12. "We don't even care whether or not we care."
13. "I've been nothin' but myself since the day I was born, and if you can't see that it's your failin', not mine."
14. "In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight." Steel Magnolias - Clementine
15. "I'm Brigitta, she's Louisa. She's thirteen years old, and you're smart! I'm ten, and I think your dress is the ugliest one I ever saw!" The Sound of Music - Clementine

(The real challenge here will be if enough people read my blog to guess all of these! I can't make Clementine responsible for all of them...)

I got this from Clementine.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now (even if we don't speak often or ever), please post a comment with a completely made up, fictional memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - but it has to be fake.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph in your blog and see what your friends come up with.

I would not have been a Nazi.

Of course, I'm who I am because of how and when I was raised, and by who, but we'll let that slide.

Nuts? No nuts? Nobody knows.

I was tagged by Joy to post six completely random things about myself. Since I'm still feeling hateful about a lot of things like the economy, politics, the country in general, I thought I would try doing something fun and not hateful. (Also, for my more astute readers, you may realize that I did this once before.)

Here's how it works:

• Post the rules on your blog
• Write 6 random things about yourself
• Tag 6 people at the end of your post
• If you're tagged, DO IT and pass on the tag

Here you go:

1. When I was little (under 10), this was one of my favorite albums. I know, I know. Anyway, I would specifically play "Puff the Magic Dragon" over and over again. Yeah, yeah, it's about drugs, blah, blah, blah. All I know is it's also about growing up and leaving behind childish things and I'm not sure how much of that I understood but this song made me CRY. I would play it over and over and sit and cry. I'm not sure if my mom found this disturbing or amusing or both but she let me do it, which was probably good for my mental health. Anyway, I did this at a friend's house once (a family friend, my parents are very good friends with them, they have a son my age) and poor Judy (my second mom) couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I still remember how freaked out I made her.

2. When my brother Dan, the middle child, was a baby, I didn't refer to him as my baby brother, I referred to him as my baby. As in, "This is my baby Daniel." I was almost 4. I still think this is kind of hilarious but also sweet.

3. My fingers are double jointed. See?:

   

4. I remember almost every phone number I've ever had in my whole life.

5. In general, I am a stickler for The Rules. I'm not talking about any particular group of rules, I mean rules in general. This means laws, common courtesies, rules in a building or establishment of some kind, fashion "rules", and general rules of conduct (such as don't cheat on your significant other, hit or swear at your kids, drive like an asshole, bring your dog into Starbucks, etc.). I typically get VERY UPSET when people break The Rules.

6. I have bleached spots on my top front teeth from the cement on my braces. Thanks, orthodontist. Do you think they fixed this for free? No. But my dentist is happy to offer cosmetic bleaching to fix it. No thank you. No additional tooth damage needed.

I'm not tagging anyone because I'm lazy and I also did this once before. Happy Friday!