Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

Do you know what phrase I am so sick of hearing and reading everywhere?

B-A-B-Y B-U-M-P.

I'm sure some fucking genius of a gossip columnist or whatever is congratulating themselves on this fucking awesome turn of phrase but it makes me want to strangle somebody.

I can't even bear to go on anymore because even talking about how much I hate it makes me upset because I have to think about it.

It's just a stupid stupid phrase that I wish would go away and never come back.

I'm going to say something controversial and shocking now. I know, you're all very surprised. Like this blog isn't just basically a place for me to complain and call people assholes.

Anyway, I have a huge problem with the following: people tying their dogs up to a random lightpost/parking meter, etc. outside while they go into some building to do whatever. I always have a problem with this, but it's much worse in the winter. Last night we were walking to Borders and we went past an Irish Setter curled up tightly on the freezing cold sidewalk (it was in the 20's) on Charles Street, I'm sure very cold and upset.

This goes along with my problem with people thinking it's fine to let their dogs go off-leash in the city. I don't know how you can care so little about your dog, and/or be so stupid as to think your dog actually understands everything going on around them, that you think this kind of behavior is OK.

Would you tie your child to a post and walk away? Probably not. Why is it OK to do it with your dog? The correct answer is it's not. First and foremost, I know you think you're doing the dog some great service because it gets to go with you on whatever errand you're running, but you don't know what's going through your dog's head while you're at the dry-cleaners or Starbucks or the grocery store or wherever you decided to go. It could actually be a very stressful event for them.

Also, how do you know what your dog will do if another dog comes by? And, what if someone decides to steal your dog? Would you like that? Probably not. Then why are you doing something so stupid and thoughtless? Better yet, what if someone decides to kick your dog or throw things at your dog or let your dog loose just to see what happens? What kind of a selfish jerk leaves their defenseless pet at the mercy of strangers while they browse around Dean and DeLuca's? Apparently just the kind of selfish jerks that abound on Beacon Hill.

Maybe next time I'll just steal your dog. It will all turn out well for him/her. S/he will get to sleep on the bed under the covers, have a treat every time I leave the apartment, and basically rule the roost. And S/he'll never be abandoned in the cold again.

Seriously, you are a total ass-hat if you do this.

Here's a little equation for you:

(7:30pm Sunday night) + (all our laundry is dirty) + (change machine at the laundromat not working) + (change machine at farther away laundromat only takes $5 and $1 bills) + (approx. 75% of the dryers at the laundromat working correctly) = ANGRY JENN. JENN SMASH.

I did all of the following:

1. cried
2. swore loudly while throwing laundry from one dryer into another (multiple times)
3. hit a dryer with the flat of my palm too hard
4. jammed my thumb trying to hit a button too hard that wasn't working
5. scared other laundromat patrons

That's all.

Just before dinner I had the most annoying trip to the store ever.

I had to run to Whole Foods and CVS to get:

Whole Foods

• salad
• marinade

CVS

• soda
• cash back for laundry

When I came home I told robreed and Heather Rose about it and I didn't even remember all the relevant details.

First, right around the corner from Whole Foods, (at Charles River Plaza) some car pulled over on Cambridge Street in an illegal spot and a chick jumped out, called back to the driver, "I'll be right back!" and darted in front of me too close not to be rude, and ran to the store.

So then I go in the store, get salad from the salad bar and pick out a marinade to make the chicken we're having. I walk over to the checkout and am literally already getting in a line when some chick just walks in front of me and plunks her crap down and proceeds to check out.

The reason she was doing it was the line she went to first had just closed. But guess what? Doesn't matter rude bitch, I was already in line. But I had my iPod on and didn't feel like dealing with a confrontation so I just walked to another line. Of course, I made one of my classic crazy faces and mouthed the words fucking bitch obnoxiously but she didn't see me. The best part? She was that stupid chick who was going to be "right back". Also, what was she buying? A bundle of firewood. And if that's all she was buying and she was supposed to be in and out so fast I don't know why she barely beat me to the checkout since I didn't run and got two things not particularly quickly. Whatever.

Then I went to CVS where I was annoyed as hell by the state of the line. There's this somewhat recent phenomenon I've noticed where if there are multiple registers open at places like CVS, fast food restaurants, etc., people refuse to pick a line and just jumble up in a big mess as if they're trying to make one big line so the first person in that line can just go to the next register that opens. Only that causes more problems than it solves because there's no room for it most of the time (if there is, then the store already has a clearly roped off area where you wait in an orderly line) so people are all standing in the aisles and blocking them, and you can't really tell who is where in line, etc. It makes me so angry. A lot of times I refuse to participate and will just walk right up to an open register, skipping the made up line. But for some reason I didn't do that so I had to wait in the stupid made up line and it was a mess and I wanted to kill everyone. Oh, and of course they have 2 self check-out lines there but both of the registers were closed.

While I was waiting to cross the street on my way home there was some car sauntering through the intersection so slowly and in no lane and I couldn't tell if he even saw me or what he was doing. At this point I said out loud, "hurry the fuck up you're a goddamn car". Still have my ipod on so I'm sure other pedestrians think I'm crazy. I probably said it too loud.

Then, around the corner from my apartment, I see this lady who lives in my neighborhood and her dog, and she's letting the dog pee on a bike that someone has, apparently foolishly, locked to a parking meter. WTF lady? I know I was making all sorts of crazy faces then. I actually wish I said something to her because I just can't take people's stupidity anymore.

I'm done with oblivious, careless, stupid, ridiculous people. Seriously. It's inexcusable. By the way, this lady is someone who's constantly outraged about everything going on around Beacon Hill except, apparently, the ridiculous things she chooses to do, like pee on people's bikes.

There is almost nothing I hate more on the web than seeing those ridiculous adds by lower my bills dot com (I refuse to link to them) with the stupid terrible dancing cartoon-y people that run in an endless loop and make me want to stab my eyes out.

Why on earth would I ever get a mortgage from these people? I'd rather eat my own liver.

There is a crazy old woman in the Borders I'm at right now who just finished making a couple of cell phone calls and not only was she herself talking too loud on the phone (a common problem with just about everyone on cell phones in public), she had the volume turned up so loud on her phone that I could clearly loudly hear every word the person on the other end was saying. I mean it was almost so loud that I thought she had the phone on speakerphone mode, but not quite. Which means she's either half deaf in which case she should get hearing aids or she's just so crazy she doesn't know how to use a cell phone, in which case she should go home and never come out again.

Also, perhaps predictably, her conversations were about how someone in her family, I think her nephew, was avoiding getting back to her about whether his family was coming to her place tomorrow or something. I think there's a reason, crazy. You're crazy.

Today I was walking over the the local UPS store to drop off a package I was sending out (something we sold, nothing exciting like a gift) and it already had a label that I printed at home. The place closes at 4 and it was like 3:55 when I arrived. Outside there was a UPS driver who had just pulled up to, I assume, pick up the day's packages. He saw me and here's what happened:

UPS Driver: "Well, you waited a long time." (said in a disapproving tone)

Me: ignoring him, walking into the store

Driver: "Next Day Air, too? You waited a really long time!" (even more disapprovingly)

Me: ignoring him and handing my package to the guy working the counter "Here you go, it's all set. Thanks."

Hey, Mr. Overconcerned Driver, guess what? Did I make the dropoff time? Yes. Did I interefere with your ability to do your job? No.

Do I know you?

Then keep it to yourself. Nobody needs your incredibly useless commentary. Just deliver my package.

I got this awesome spam email just now, from "Mrs. Mark.W.K." It's half in Japanese, and then this part in English:

THIS IS ALL ABOUT THE RELEASE OF LARGE SUMS OF FUND TO YOU. GET BACK 4 DETAILED INFO BY MY BOSS BY EMAILING BACK ON (fromadbank_20007@yahoo.co.kr) OR CALLING +234 14342164. MRS. MARK, SECRETARY TO THE PRESIDENT,AFDB

• MRS MARK.W.K

Wow, I'd better call her right away! Feel free to call her yourself, if I'm not fast enough to act on these "large sums of fund", I deserve to lose it to you, my lovely reader.

I know you will be very shocked to learn this, considering all my other thoughts about the T (to prove my even-handedness, there is a post in there where I give them credit for running on time in a snow storm).

Saturday we made the (apparently) horrible mistake of deciding that rather than walking to Cambridgeside Mall from our apartment on Beacon Hill, like we typically do for numerous reasons, since it was about 19 degrees out, we would opt to take the T.

Read the rest

I just have to say this because it's really been bothering me more and more lately.

What is up with all the smoking, folks? I mean, I feel like about 85% of the people I see on the street on any given day are smoking. OK, even if you're in denial, everyone knows it definitely causes cancer and lots of other problems, right? I mean, at the very least, you lose all sense of taste and you walk around smelling like a stale ashtray. It's really gross my friends.

I'm not saying smokers are bad people or anything like that, or that if you smoked a cigarette once at a party you're an asshole. I'm just saying I can't believe the vast number of people who smoke and I can't conceive of what they could possibly be thinking.

Can we just get over it already? It's astoundingly stupid.

Cold turkey everybody. Just do it.