Jenn Martinelli Blogging in Boston

Seriously, have you listened to his commentary on the Olympics so far?

Lucky for me, fair readers, I have also suffered through years and years of his commentary on the televised coverage of the Tour de France.

He was making me murderously angry last night during the gymnastics coverage we were watching. It could have even been Tivo'd, I'm not actually sure when it was on, but it was during the tie-breaker controversy with Liukin and He Kexin.

First of all, we'll ignore the fact that all the Chinese women's gymnasts except for one are about 11 years old. Very fair China. Thanks for hosting this great event in your wonderful country and being so hospitable and also CHEATING.

Anyway, Al was going on and on about how complicated the tie-breaking procedure is. He wouldn't stop. Turns out the "complicated" process is that the next lowest score is dropped from each contestant's scores. Sounds pretty simple, Al.

One of the commentators who knows what the fuck he was talking about was trying to make a more useful point and Al jumped in, interrupting him to blather about tie-breaking some more. I wanted to stab my eardrums with a pen.

I hate you and I hate your stupid sons and the fact that now I have to look at them on your dumb commercials. I hate your dumb jingle and your stupid logo and your stupid name.

I wouldn't buy furniture from you if it cost $5 and was made out of diamonds.

I feel like that's probably something I'll find myself saying a lot in general.

Oh, Homer, if only people had taken your example and thought twice about getting Lasik eye surgery.

I'm glad I never did this.

I despise the stupid Dunkin Donuts commercial with Papelbon at his locker after a game and an endless line of "everyday people" coming up to slap his ass and say "Good game!"

This is apparently because they are all so happy to get something free at Dunkin Donuts after the game. I can't even follow the point of the commercial because I'm so distressed by the dumber than dirt look on Papelbon's face. He just looks so stupid. Like he's trying to figure out something really hard, not act in a Dunkin Donuts commercial.

For some reason I don't know we are watching stupid local news. Here's what's not a news story - some guys are shoplifting. Yes, that's the big story. Wait, here are the exciting details - they stole from a couple of Macy's stores and they drove a gray Nissan! And, some "helpful customer" got the license number of the car. So police "think they know who they're looking for."

Oh yeah? They think they know who they're looking for? What's their best clue - the license plate number of the car belonging to the people doing the shoplifting?

Genius.

Meanwhile, something that's actually newsworthy, the Boston Police Department advocating for the right to search people's homes without a warrant but "only to look for guns", gets about 8 seconds of attention. Then it's right onto whining about how expensive gas is, etc.

Thanks for the absolutely fantastic news coverage.

Sorry, but her little bit about Hilary Clinton on SNL's Weekend Update cracked me up.

Check it out here.

Don't kill Heroes by overhyping the hell out of it. Or rather, you already are doing that, so please stop.

This article lists some doozies, though I hadn't seen all of them. I'm especially disturbed by the Vagisil ad they mention. Seriously, check out the YouTube clip.

How did they even find women actors willing to participate in that ad? They would have had to pay me more money than Vagisil can spend on an ad to be associated with that.

Gross!

Here you go, I found it for you Rob Reed.

Mais...boum!
Quand notre coeur fait boum
Tout avec lui dit boum
Et c'est l'amour qui s'eveille

Boum!
Il chante "Love in Bloom"
Au rythme de ce boum
Qui redit boum a l'oreille